Last week, someone I know...asked me if I wanted some meth. .............and I did'nt have any money on me, or I think I might have. it was haunting me.
up until now, this town has been "speed free" ...no temptation.
.....I can't, I just can't. I wanted to, SO BAD.
...I can't.
I won't come back the same.
.................or maybe I won't COME BACK.
it's just not a good thing...
I know there's a heartache in that little square ziplock bag, with playboy bunny logo's all over it.
universally speaking, ........... I think this is the exam, I have been studying for... I outta pass it....damn.
I'm ready for a NEW lesson. ....addiction so old.
but, I failed "general math" or passed with a "D" to graduate.
....for FOUR YEARS, in a ROW.....in high school.
After 22 years of study, ..................... this failure would be truly sad, and the angels will weep.
my mother... ...............oh jeez.
I was afraid suzie (me) will be a deer in the headlights, ............... and suzette (my addiction) will be up on her haunches.
just like last week, except, I might have money.
After ALL I learned about it... ......after ALL the people I now realize get hurt, after almost 4 years clean.
it STILL gets to me.
....I STILL love her (meth), and wish we could make it work.
I know a speed dealer again.
......this is just a preview of what it will take to keep myself clean.
The sight of it SCARED me so bad, I almost fell out the door.
I said..............I'M A METH ADDICT.....I CAN'T HAVE IT!
.......see ya later! ...(and I mean much later, like, my next lifetime.)
I WAS AFRAID it would TAKE ME.
................and my job, my car, my parents, my uncle just died, my mother....
I wanted to so bad....but, I ran like forrest gump.
The big one here is...
....if I HAD the money to see my shrink after a run, he'd take me off adderrall so fast, .......and there would end any and all hope of me being "OK"
If I did'nt have the money, he'd take me off it, because it's illegal to prescribe .............without seeing me once every 3 months.
my tolerance to it would make them useless after one more run, if I did slide by him.
............a shot gun and a paper bag, is what would be my next escape.
I ran.
...............I know there will be nothing left to save if I go down again.
I was afraid.
.....now, I have some faith in myself, after staying on recovery boards all week.
I have more faith in myself, from the reflection I saw of myself, in the mirror of my fellow addicts.
.....I had a dream last night, that everytime I thought about meth david bowie would throw a penny, from where ever he was in the world, and hit me in the back of the head with it.
*HUG* Yanno.....I'm proud of you. Because you didn't go out to try to score money. But I'm sorry that the person asked you about taking some. Anyone that knows you knows about your struggle. *HUGS* You'll do fine, lady. I have faith in Suzie.
.....I had a dream last night, that everytime I thought about meth david bowie would throw a penny, from where ever he was in the world, and hit me in the back of the head with it.
LOL!
.........He was a good aim, and it hurt!
I had alot of money tho
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Wow, that hilarious. I wish I had dreams about celebrities. I'd like to analyze your dream, but I wouldn't know where to start.
