I've started drinking malt liquor again. I quit completely for 6 years and stayed completely dry. Then a couple of years ago I had to clean up some stuff on one of my properties so I dug up an unopened forty and part of a bottle of brandy I had buried there the day I quit.
I tried some of the brandy and drank the forty on new years 2007. All this past year I have stuck to less than a double shot of brandy or single malt scotch near bedtime not more than three times a week.
But with the passing of my nasty old cat Leo I started thinking about all the forties I drank sitting back here with him and so I bought a couple and had them back here to help celebrate or mark his passing. Since then I have bought several more on three or four occasions including two today for no specific reason except to feed "the hunger."
Why does beer or in my case malt liquor have such a radically different effect from hard liquor and will I be able to control the consumption or will it soon get out of hand again as it has in previous years?
I have always been satisfied with small amounts of hard liquor but it seems with beer that after one I always want another, then three then four.
Four forties has always been about my daily limit but I realize that and may never be able to be satisfied with just one because I already KNOW I can handle up to four and still function and that limit was a part of my old pattern of abuse.
I have work to do but was just in a weird mood so I thought I would post this drivel while working ... under the influence.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
I'm kinda sure you've got an "addictive personality", however, you seem toknow your shortcoming(s) with it. You're intelligent enough rationally know what you can and can't do. Put on your tinfoil hat and it'll come to you; I think you'll be ok. (Just be careful, bro; seriously).
The simple fact that he buried two bottles on his property shows he's an addict. That's pure addict behavior. I'm stopping, but I'm storing these just in case...
Much like you Suze, I simply decided that I wanted to live. And I stopped. The difference is I can have a drink now and then without going over the edge. I went from being a control freak to being a self-control freak.
No not that kind, the power went off for about an hour. So, I rode my mtb to the liquor store and bought 40 number three.
Since I started on the first one around 5:00 and finished the last one around 12:00 that's about 7 hours for three 40's. But I haven't reverted to trying to do that everyday. I feel good today. Don't feel like going out and getting anything today but I'm not going to try and tell myself I can't because that always backfires.
Anyway, I know I have an addictive personality but one of the reasons I started drinking small amounts again was because of the horror stories they told at the AA meetings. I was dry with no problems for 6 years and not wanting to return to the same situation I left behind, but also wanting to see just what the situation really was for myself.
Last night was fun, it was a conscious decision. It remains to be seen if this will escalate into a need situation. I think self control will win out with these binge episodes few in number.
And yes I am an asshole most of the time suzi and booze doesn't help. ( ;
Just be really careful, Tru, it can sneak up on you, and you think everything is ok and that you're "choosing" this next drink, when in reality, you're in the grips of the addiction again. *HUGS*
