Joined: Wed Mar 16 2005, 01:18am
Location: in a Finnish goat hut north of the Arctic circle
Posts: 1534
I arrived at AmerMeth a bright-eyed loved one, looking to learn about the addiction and it's ramifications on one's life, the good the bad the ugly.
One of the most overwhelmingly compelling aspects of the place was it's gripping honesty and revealing circumstances that people who visited there had endured in active addiction.
Fears and sadness were right in the open, the pain and anguish people were immersed in was raw and real.
People were damaged, a status that does not change with a tweaker/addict.
This place was a revelation to me, in the sense that I've never been in a message board environment that was this honest and open about difficult self-analysis, as well as mutual support for each other's plight.
AmerMeth was a delightful yet scary place. I felt freedom to be real with myself and with them. With that, a certain level of respect and responsibility in communicating with these folks was required.
I learned alot about compassion, empathy, listening and trust.
Enter Bella.
With all that as a backdrop, here comes a beautiful car wreck laden with the saddest of stories, endless tales of woe, with an incredible amount of bouyancy, strength, and irrepressibility in her style.
She was magnetic. She was a world-beater against the odds, and gave a fantastic (aka fantasy) example in courage and convictions. She could even laugh in the hardest times.
I was amazed and saddened, amazed at her ability to see positives, and saddened that such a spirit was in such a grave fight for her very life.
(fast forward to nowadays)
I am now banned from AmerMeth
Banned.
I never asked for it or wanted it, or even acted like I wanted it.
I would characterize my being banned as feeble, weak and mindless. Not thoughtful. Not respectful. A total reactionary response of emotion, and perhaps fear. I do not trust you anymore Suze. I think you are a bobbing pile of unresolved shit about this stuff. You have come down on the side of a lie so often, and it is telling me a story. A story I am keeping to myself.
I think you care more about yourself and your image than any friend in this situation. On the internet, things like being 'banned' means everything, because typing replies and reading peoples thoughts are all we have in this context.
It is telling to me that you and AmerMeth are turning your backs on me. It is telling to me that AmerMeth has lost some of it's most thoughtful members, me not included. It is telling to me that AmerMeth housed Bella as a cancer victim, and it was the lone place that occurred. It is telling to me that AmerMeth supported hidden forums and general obfuscations It is telling to me that you, Suze, keep talking of how I was warned about Bella. Like it is some kind of out-clause from you. It is telling to me that you remain in denial about her.
At AM: I was the learner, I was being taught. I used tact and I was thoughtful. I knew nothing, I was the ball of clay there. And I know for a fact that I was a good and decent member of that site.
This cunt Melissa has gone and soured all of this.
If you don't see that, you are blind. And/Or, you are promoting your own agenda in this overall situation. and that aspect... the aspect that you knew things, weighs heavier and heavier on me now
Herding cats. 2 sides to every story. Perceptions. Intentions.
Who the fuck knows or cares anymore?
I tried to care. I really cared.
Now I'm banned.
I am not an addict, but I do know I need people in my life to make it complete and fulfilling. That much was re-inforced, and I guess I thank you for that.
Was that you who said this? and this....you took private and personal things members posted there to use as you saw fit.
wrote ... This 'thought' is from a cheating wife and her toothless man-boyfriend, right? Ya, I'll I'll consider the source of this master-minded concept.
Ok so now the only parts in Lovernios' well written post that aren't accurate are the parts that mention he is banned. He is no longer banned and it was merely an oversight :shock: The rest of his post is still drenched with substance and truth.
Joined: Wed Jan 12 2005, 12:39pm
Location: Plague of Madness
Posts: 1100
Suze never wanted to hurt anyone, you guys know this, no one is perfect and sometimes there is no solution w/o people getting hurt in some way on one side or another. I will say it again, Suze is a recovering meth addict, you guys know what meth addicts do during use, how can you expect her to sit in judgment of anyone? She can't, that is part of the magic of AM, she understands and that's why the site is so needed and successful, if she started judging people, even Bella, all that would end. She only wanted the fighting to stop. If she IS or WAS your friend, and let's say she made the wrong decision in your eyes, why can't YOU find it in your heart to forgive her instead of continuing to cause more trouble? It is nothing she would not do for you and hasn't already again and again in some cases.
Dearest Arcane, You should direct all support for her personally. Most of us don't know you and your opinion over what we have personally witnessed doesn't carry much weight. I suggest you have a one on one chat with her. Have you not read the thread where she is egging people on, bashing their character.... the list goes on. Nothing you have said about her as been displayed in this thread and we witnessed many wrong doings on a personal level. Once again, if she is such a great friend of yours, you should go to her. Although you are well written and seem genuine, you are wrong this once. I am sure she appreciates that you have her back.
"guest" wrote ... Dearest Arcane, You should direct all support for her personally. Most of us don't know you and your opinion over what we have personally witnessed doesn't carry much weight. I suggest you have a one on one chat with her. Have you not read the thread where she is egging people on, bashing their character.... the list goes on. Nothing you have said about her as been displayed in this thread and we witnessed many wrong doings on a personal level. Once again, if she is such a great friend of yours, you should go to her. Although you are well written and seem genuine, you are wrong this once. I am sure she appreciates that you have her back.
Dear whoever you are:
If you and others had taken your own advice and kept it all to PM or e-mail as you were asked to do, none of this would have happened, nor would it still be going on. In fact, do that now, you are on one of my home forums and I have no idea who YOU are.
