wrote ...
The name of this forum does not say "let's debate suzie"

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FYI..it's called a "thread" not a "forum"

wrote ...
who is posting this BS? We all can read.

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Not that I have anything against pussies..HELL I have one...

wrote ...
some of you people are just pure morons.

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whatever. some of you people are just pure morons.

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Hey Chris~

I have the patch........and the cigarettes.

I tell myself every night that I am going to start it tomorrow and NOT smoke.

Then I wake up..........and I light up..........and I say fuck it.

I have been doing this dance with patch in hand (and sometimes on arm) for the last 3 weeks.

I completely lied to my docs about smoking during chemo. I'm SOOO fucking weak.

Come on Bella! You quit doing drugs! Quit fuckin smoking! <---- That is what I tell myself.....

I dunno, didn't mean to hijack your thread but I feel ya on the smoking thing. I guess that was my point.

Love ya,
Bella

wrote ...
First of all, I will not address all the accusations made against me over the past week. It is done and over with, and no resolution will be found. Because one thing I will NOT do is post a titless, hairless, overweight picture of myself to make everybody else feel comfortable.

I have no boobs. I have no hair. I am overweight since my chemo.

I feel like a pile of dogshit. I feel like I look like a pile of dogshit.

I am 5'8" and when I weighed myself today I weigh 167.

My confession is this. After my surgery, when I had no hair and I had no tits and I was sick as a dog and gaining weight........I put up avatar pictures of an ass that was not mine because I wanted people to tell me I had a smokin ass. I led people to believe it was me and it wasn't. I just wanted some attention back.

I am trying very hard to find a different way to gain self esteem rather than using my body to obtain it. I have had success in this venture and failure also.

I am trying to strengthen my faith. I am trying to be a better, deeper, not so superficial person........I have had success in this venture and failure also.

..........but I am continuing to try.

wrote ...
I wanted this thread to remind us all that it is important that we focus on ourselves everyday. It is important that we focus on our own issues, and take time for ourselves everyday.

This is what I did for myself today:

Today I started reading "The Purpose Driven Life" again.
Today I took my dog with me to go get my radiation treatment. (he had to stay in the truck but its only in the 60's here)
Today when we left the Breast Center we went through the McDonalds drive thru and got breakfast (for both of us)



Anybody else?

wrote ...
Dear Magnum PI,

You got me.

You exposed me.

I did call your house.

I am a liar.

I was the "girl" who called from Minnesota.

I also threw my voice in order to leave messages to you from a man.

I am a fake christian.

I am a cyberslut.

I have cyber fucked every single man that EVER logged onto the internet.

I am a dog fucker (lave you were right too)

I am destroying everything around me.

I did use my cancer as a sympathy tool.

In fact I never even had cancer.

I'm not the girl in the pictures.

I have myspace accounts from Ohio to California.

I am the ex of the guy that deeee personally met tonight.

I am a coward.

I do have a scabby skanky pussy.

I have been texting you in my spare time.

I am fake.

I am not real.

I am a titless cyberslut.

Ok......I admitted to ALL of your accusations........Can we now move on?

See, I thought we handled this Brok3n in Allnite's chat when I told you what I had to say and you told me what you had to say........it was all done in a civilized manner. I thought we agreed that it was finished.

Can it be finished now?

I know it is for me.

Bella (not even my real name)

wrote ...
Deee-

I accept your apology but will keep in mind what you are capable of. I do not feel that I deserve the verbal beat down you gave me, but we all say shit we wish we could take back.

As for what I have said in the past that left a bad taste in your mouth.....Dee, I truly do not know what you are talking about. If it was stuff that I have said to Broken via IM, I stand by it. I do think you are addicted to drama. No real fault in that, just the way I see it. Doesn't make you a bad person. I never once said you were a bad person Dee. I was asked for advice and gave it, just like when you have asked me for advice, I gave it.

Your apology the other night was not genuine, you said "I'm sorry" then turned around and called me more names. That is why it wasnt accepted.

Deeee, I apologize to you for the things I said back to you at the end of the night. I finally got sick of being attacked and called the things you were calling me, my feelings were hurt and I lashed back. I had no right to do that and I am truly sorry. I went to bed feeling like shit.

I will pray for you and your step father. Cancer is terrifying.


Bella

wrote ...
Thank you Chris

And

Thank you T

Ladies I have been reading shit wrong and reading into things WAY TOO MUCH this past week and ^^^^^up there........in my earlier post.......I responded defensively to what you ladies said.

I sorry (I have said that a lot in the last few days)

Chris, what kind of chemo did you have? Me......4 rounds of ac and 4 rounds of tc.

And why wont the hair on my fucking legs fall out? I was hoping it would! laugh.gif

Bella

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Well T, it could be the 6 rounds of chemo I have gone through....

or it could be the 2 I have left.....

or it could be the fact that I dont have boobs.....

or it could be that I dont have any hair and feel like I look like a man.......

or it could be that my kids are out of school for the summer and for the first time in years I am not working during the summer

or it could be.........a million things

However, I wasn't moody until a couple of days ago, my back feels like it is in a vice. I have NO patience right now. I cry over nothing. And I have my period. I figured it was a period thing since that is the only thing that has changed in the past week or so.

I am not looking for a reason to be a bitch....I cant stand myself right now. I hate feeling like this, and I am not used to feeling like this.

So that was my conclusion on why I am feeling like this....I could be wrong though.

Bella

wrote ...
Lovernios has posted in there and Suze has posted in there DIRECTLY to ME about the chemo treatments I have started.

The room is closed for repairs.

Thanks for asking.

Bell

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Damn! I just found "The Joy Hole".......

Here are a few things that make me happy:

1) My kids love me

2) My family came up to see me

3) My family finally went home

4) I have been clean from meth for over a year

5) I will be cancer free soon

6) I will have bouncy nice fake tits that will never sag

7) I am going to have my head shaved to donate my hair to locks of love before it falls out.....I will miss my hair but it makes me happy that someone else will benefit from it.

My kids are healthy

9) I have gotten so much support from people here that it brings tears to my eyes (happy tears though)

10) Dr. Pepper came out with a new berries and cream variety (really good)

11) I have a computer

12) I have a really cool dog

13) Batteries are cheap


....ok, thats all that are coming to mind right now.

I like this place.

Bella

"guest Payback" wrote ...
There is such a veil of delusion here. It's very obvious.

Payback

"guest Payback" wrote ...


and btw..."ART" (as beauty) is in the eye of the beholder. I prefer art that is created while people are being real.

Payback

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I for one didnt try to buy a kid off the internet nor did I get screwed/scammed twice trying to do it....

I didnt send anyone money to pay their cell phone bill.....

wrote ...
Hmm.. are you still angry that you're account got deleted? brokenbymeth? lookin4me?

You come in here acting like this and wonder why?

"Arcane13" wrote ...
Then you wouldn't have been rooked by some girl over the net of all places.

wrote ...
And why is it again that we got a PERSONAL invitation here?